In our fast-paced, high-pressure world, it’s easy to feel like we’re just surviving emotionally—getting through the day, managing stress, and coping with challenges. But there’s a crucial difference between simply surviving and truly thriving emotionally. Emotional thriving isn’t just about feeling "okay" or making it through difficult situations; it’s about flourishing, growing, and reaching your full potential.
In this blog, we explore the science behind emotional thriving versus emotional survival, and how understanding this distinction can help you elevate your mental and emotional well-being to new heights.
Surviving Emotionally: The State of Being "Stuck"
Survival mode is often characterized by feelings of being overwhelmed, helpless, or reactive. In this state, your body and mind are in a constant state of stress, working just to get through each day. Survival mode is triggered when your nervous system perceives threats—whether external or internal—and your emotional responses become primarily driven by fear, anxiety, and insecurity.
Scientific Evidence of Emotional Survival:
Chronic Stress and Its Impact on the Brain: Studies have shown that emotional survival—where stress and negative emotions dominate—has direct consequences on brain functioning, particularly in areas related to memory, emotional regulation, and decision-making. Sapolsky (2004) explains that chronic stress causes long-term activation of the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which releases stress hormones like cortisol. Elevated cortisol over time can damage brain structures such as the hippocampus, impairing memory and emotional regulation, making it harder to think clearly or respond thoughtfully to life’s challenges.
Emotional Reactivity and the Limbic System: When we are emotionally "surviving," our limbic system—the part of the brain responsible for emotions—becomes overactive. LeDoux (2000) describes how heightened emotional reactivity, driven by the fight-or-flight response, leads to difficulty in distinguishing between real threats and everyday stressors. The emotional brain can hijack the rational brain, leaving us stuck in fear and survival mode, making it challenging to engage in proactive behaviors.
Negative Self-Perception and Stress Response: Low self-worth, which is common in survival mode, leads to self-criticism and perfectionism, which trigger an ongoing stress response. Gilbert (2009) demonstrated that individuals who experience higher levels of shame and self-criticism exhibit more pronounced SNS activation, resulting in higher stress levels and more severe emotional distress.
Thriving Emotionally: Reaching Peak Performance and Fulfillment
Emotional thriving is a state of flourishing. It’s not just about surviving life’s challenges but about responding to them in a way that enhances well-being, growth, and fulfillment. When you are thriving emotionally, you have greater emotional resilience, higher self-awareness, and a more inspiring outlook on life. This state is characterized by a balance between stress and recovery, allowing you to face difficulties with composure, creativity, and a sense of purpose.
Scientific Evidence of Emotional Thriving:
Neuroplasticity and Emotional Growth: Emotional thriving is supported by the concept of neuroplasticity—the brain’s ability to reorganize itself and form new neural connections in response to learning and experience. Doidge (2007) explains that when individuals engage in emotional regulation techniques, such as mindfulness or The Demartini Method, they activate parts of the brain responsible for emotional control, like the prefrontal cortex, which helps reduce the automatic emotional reactions of the amygdala. Over time, this rewires the brain, creating a more balanced emotional response system and increasing emotional resilience.
Balanced Thinking and Cognitive Reappraisal
Studies on cognitive reappraisal—an emotion regulation strategy—have shown that balanced thinking (i.e., the ability to reinterpret a situation from a more balanced perspective) engages the prefrontal cortex, which in turn modulates the emotional response generated by the amygdala. For example, Ochsner et al. (2002) found that when individuals engage in reappraisal (reinterpreting the emotional meaning of a situation), there is an increase in prefrontal cortex activity and a corresponding decrease in amygdala activity.
The Role of Self-Worth in Thriving: High self-worth is at the core of emotional thriving. Rosenberg (1965)’s work on self-worth has shown that individuals with an equilibrated sense of self are more likely to take risks, pursue personal goals, and maintain healthier relationships. When we feel good about ourselves, we are more likely to set and achieve goals, which enhances our sense of control and well-being.
Resilience and Emotional Thriving: Bonanno (2004) defines resilience as the ability to bounce back from adversity. Resilient individuals are able to maintain a sense of emotional equilibrium despite life’s inevitable challenges. Thriving emotionally means that when faced with setbacks, you have the ability to recover and grow from them. This ability to thrive is significantly influenced by emotional regulation strategies like The Demartini Method, equilibrated self-talk, living in accordance to your values and balancing lopsided perceptions.
Key Differences Between Surviving and Thriving Emotionally
While survival mode keeps you in a constant state of reactivity, emotional thriving fosters a proactive, growth-oriented mindset. Here are the key differences between the two states:
Surviving Emotionally | Thriving Emotionally |
Constant state of stress and anxiety | Balanced emotional responses with resilience |
Focused on short-term survival and avoiding discomfort | Focused on long-term growth and achieving potential |
Emotional reactivity, feeling overwhelmed | Emotional regulation, staying calm under pressure |
Limited ability to adapt to change | Ability to adapt and grow in response to challenges |
Negative self-talk and low self-worth | Balanced self-talk, high self-worth, and self-love |
Feeling stuck or helpless | Empowered, inspired, and proactive in life’s challenges |
Practical Steps to Move from Surviving to Thriving Emotionally
Focus on Strengthening Self-Worth Engage in practices that boost self-compassion and positive self-affirmation. Neff (2003) found that self-loving individuals experience lower levels of anxiety and stress, allowing for greater emotional stability and resilience.
Balance Past Traumas and Imbalanced Emotions Using the Demartini Method Address unresolved emotional charges from past experiences and transform them into opportunities for growth. The Demartini Method helps you identify and release emotional blockages, leading to emotional clarity and freedom.
Live Congruently Within Your Values Align your actions and decisions with your values to create a sense of inner growth, evolution and authenticity. Living according to your values reduces inner conflict, enhances emotional stability, and fosters a deeper sense of fulfillment.
Set Meaningful Goals Across All Seven Areas of Life Focus on creating goals that encompass all areas of your life: Physical, Financial, Mental, Spiritual, Social, Vocational, and Familial. Setting clear, achievable goals that align with your values in each of these areas leads to greater balance, inspiration, and emotional well-being.
Conclusion: The Path to Emotional Thriving
Emotional survival is a reactive, fear-based state driven by stress and a lack of self-worth. In contrast, emotional thriving is a proactive state characterized by emotional regulation, resilience, and growth. By focusing on strengthening your self-worth, regulating your emotions, and embracing inspiring and empowering habits, you can move from surviving to thriving emotionally, enhancing your overall well-being, performance, and life satisfaction.
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References:
Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience: Have we underestimated the human capacity to thrive after extremely aversive events? American Psychologist, 59(1), 20-28.
Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310-357.
Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. Penguin.
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
Fredrickson, B. L. (2001). The role of positive emotions in positive psychology: The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. American Psychologist, 56(3), 218-226.
Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life's Challenges. New Harbinger Publications.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 55(4), 435-443. doi:10.1016/S0022-3999(02)00347-4
LeDoux, J. E. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23(1), 155-184.
Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation. *American Psychologist,
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